How To Pass Your Sudanese Medical Licensing Exams

1. Let your grandmother tutor you. All Sudanese grandmothers are doctors, and nobody can tell them otherwise!
2. Focus on treating symptoms rather than causes because, you know, logic!
3. When in doubt, just say, ‘Malaria.’
4. وجع بطن = سف حلبة
5. طمام = سفن أب, ليمون دافيء, أو جنزبيل
6. If there’s a fever, say: لا حول لله ما تكون جاياك ملاريا
7. If you suspect food poisoning, say: أكل برة دا كله عواليق
8. If you can’t reach a definite diagnosis, just say:
دا كله من السهر و التلفون الكتير
9. If it’s the flu: أمسح VICKS و نوم
10. If someone walks in and says,”والله الأيام دي فتران فتر!”
immediately give them IV fluids.
11. The more the Sudanese patient complains, the less serious the disease most probably is.
12. If you don’t have a big, round karsha, you’re basically not a proper Sudanese doctor, so find another profession until you get your self together.