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I do not do this.

This is not me.

I’m not the girl who stays up waiting for a text,

and I’m definitely not the girl who jumps up & down on her bed when it arrives,

and I am absolutely not the girl who smudges her perfectly winged eyeliner when it doesn’t…

I used to be the queen of the jungle, strumming Paul Simon and Bob Marley on my guitar,

but…now?

Now, I am a teen queen playing Taylor Swift’s Teardrops on my guitar!

But all of that is bearable,

I can bear all the things you did to breakdown the independent strong sassy black woman that I should be,

but what I can not bear is what you did to my writing…

I have causes to write about!

There is a genocide in South Sudan, massacre in Darfur, my people are dying, my pen is my power,

but my pen has gone soft…

and only ever wants to write about that one little hair in your Drake-shaped eyebrow that’s longer than the rest,

and about the way the world lights up when you smile,

and the gentle symphony of your voice…

NO.

No, I don’t do this.

I am a smart girl.

I am a growwwwwwn woman who does whatever she wants,

AND I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT!!!

But every time I sit down to write,

my fingers move about the keyboard writing about the way the milk-tea-colored skin around your dark chocolate-colored eyes wrinkles when I make you laugh,

and about how you look at me when you make me laugh and…

Oh dear lord you broke me down…

This is ten times worse than writer’s block,

because I have been possessed by a rainbow of literal Skittles & feels,

I am losing my reputation as Ice Queen!

And…last night?

Last night I caught myself making A COLLAGE of pictures of us…

I USED AN INSTAGRAM FILTER!

YOU made ME use an Instagram filter!

And the ONLY thing that stopped me from posting it was my concern that you would not double-tap…

YOU,

The same person who made ME use an Instagram filter!